


Jealousy

by ledunks (ficpants)



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-19
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-16 07:19:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1336840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ficpants/pseuds/ledunks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you split up a pair that's been together forever and give them new partners, there's bound to be a bit of jealousy. What's a little longing and a little angst?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Week One: Jealousy Ignites

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cha-cha-cha & Contemporary

She had never felt it before, and it hit her like a tidal wave as she watched another girl- no, another _woman_ \- do _their lift_ in front of everyone.

It hadn’t come as a surprise. Charlie, being Charlie, had made sure Meryl was okay with it.

Hearing about it and seeing it was something entirely different. She wanted to pull a Molly Weasley and shout, "Not my partner, you bitch!" and push her off. It didn't even look that great without the movement across ice.

She would give it all up in a heartbeat to just click her heels and be magically training for Worlds. She missed the rigors of training, the solace of the ice, the steady sound of Charlie’s blade that she's trained herself to hear over everything else. It was the sound that reassured her that all was right in the world, that he was right by her side.

So okay, jealousy was a new feeling for her. Something out of her comfort zone. One of those magical new moments she had been raving about.

But she didn’t like it. Trying something new was overrated. She couldn’t wait to get back to her comfort zone: on center ice with Charlie. 

* * *

 

Well, okay, surely anyone would be annoyed if their partner were paired with Maks.

It’s fine, really…but did he really have to be so touchy-feely with Meryl?

He doesn’t understand why he can’t shake this annoyance. He didn’t care when Tanith and Ben danced together, so why was the first week already a lesson in great restraint?

He doesn’t want to admit that he hates the way Meryl looks at Maks when they perform, like he’s the only person in the room. He doesn’t want to admit that he absolutely _hates_ the way Maks lingers in his touches. And just because Meryl says she has a boyfriend doesn’t mean that can’t change by the beginning of summer.

Meryl was totally allowed to be an independent person...but he missed her more than he thought he would. The next time he held her hand, he would be even more grateful. Maybe he wouldn't even let go (though that's silly because at some point he would have to but he is being too hashtag melodramatic to think straight right now).

He was more jealous than he thought he would be. Because really, it was just unnatural seeing someone else dance with Meryl.


	2. Week Two: Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tango & Swing

They’ve never been incredibly affectionate. She’s always been a fan of patting him. It was steady, it was comforting, and even though sometimes he felt like a dog when she patted him reassuringly, it was always their thing. It became a reassurance after a bad practice that everything would be okay, it became a signal of happiness and pride after a good performance. Being in a judged sport, the tension was always the worst while waiting for the scores. But when Meryl would pat him, he would know that at least he had her by his side, for better or for worse.

He noticed that she patted Maks a lot. And yeah, on the butt too. Granted, she’s not all over him, but it’s those damn pats of reassurance that annoy Charlie more.

Seventeen years can’t compare to a couple of weeks, but those pats were sort of _their thing_. He missed them. And it’s not really a big deal, except can’t she have a new thing with Maks? A fist bump? High five? A bit of patting might seem like not big deal, but he knows that with Meryl, subtle touches count for a lot more than grand gestures.

* * *

 

She’s trying so hard to contain her annoyance. Charlie was a bit stiff during the parts with the dance hold, but he seemed to have no issues touching Sharna _everywhere_.

It always stung that their free dance from the 2010-2011 season, while powerful, lacked the sexual energy of a _tango_. It’s always the sexual tension and passion that drives the best tango dances. Sure, they compensated, but seeing Andrew Poje and Kaitlyn Weaver’s tango free dance this whole season just brought up more regret. She and Charlie are friends, and some lines should not be blurred. But well, if acting is just part of it, couldn’t he have put in a little bit of effort in the tactile department?

She knows Charlie isn’t like Scott, who can be a caring boyfriend one minute and the next be gazing into Tessa’s eyes and caressing her body like she’s the only one for him. Charlie is too conscious of the slightest hint of impropriety, even though Tanith has always said that she understands that they’re partners.

Partners. Which is why at the end of the day, no matter what her gut reaction is, she has to put on a smile and be happy for Charlie. They’re not a couple, and he can touch whomever he wants. But really, what happened to the art of subtlety?


	3. Week Three: Ease/Unease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Foxtrot & Jive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me a while because there were so many ways I could have written this chapter based off of their dances last week.

There was a time in her life where she would desperately wonder, as a young girl would, how she was ever going to be able to skate and _hold hands with a boy_.

It didn’t help that as they got older, Charlie got cuter. And she held on to that thought, tucked it away until one day she looked into his eyes after a run through and realized that at some point, he had become handsome.

They’ve always made a conscious choice not to go there in their relationship, though of course it’s been more than a decade in discipline and restraint. They were never single at the same time, so it got easier to be together. Their artistry slowly became multifaceted. They could never really duplicate the same kind of easy sensual energy of other pairs, but they managed to learn to express passion and tenderness and love and caring on the ice.

It’s not easier with a new partner. Charlie’s always been the natural talent, and his chemistry with Sharna is quite obvious even without the overt touching. He doesn’t have to have a certain level of emotional distance with Sharna that he does with her.

They’ve had to learn to trust their partners quickly. Physically, it’s easy— they’re professionals. Emotionally, it’s much harder. So when she has to perform with emotion, when she’s trying to capture their whole journey of pain and joy, of friends and family, of finally earning gold, she does the only thing she can do and thinks of Charlie.

It’s not romantic, she tells herself. It’s just easier.

* * *

 

When he first skated with this shy girl with shiny light brown hair and ears that sort of stuck out adorably but not that he noticed because girls had cooties, he was sure that he wouldn’t see her at all past that week.

Oh, how things change.

To see her show that kind of vulnerability and intensity during her dance with such ease and poise made him both proud of how far she’s come and also jealous that Maks was able to bring out that emotion in such a short amount of time. There was no doubt that like everything else she did, she put her heart and soul and grit into that performance. He knew that putting herself out there wasn’t her favorite thing to do, and he was so proud of her.

“Happy” represented how he feels most of the time, but not always. For the first time in his life he doesn’t have a long term goal and while sure, that’s fine, it also makes him worried. He can enjoy the moment, but at some point in time the moment is over, the adrenaline stops pumping, and he has to start a new chapter of his life.

You don’t win Olympic gold without sacrifices. Some of them are easier than others; some are more noticeable than others. There are times when selfishly, he thinks he could make all of those sacrifices again for another year or two.

If he’s being completely honest, she’s made more sacrifices than he has. Schoolwork always took a little extra time, her vision problems meant that she couldn’t always practice everything she wanted to in a warm-up, she had to work harder to get over her shyness, and she took on extra ballet lessons. He’s always admired her for that.

He’s not an idiot, he’s heard throughout the years that Meryl’s lines and extension pale in comparison to Tessa’s. He’s tried to shield her from it as best as he could, but she’s no idiot either. So they did what they always did, and tried to work through their shortcomings together as a team. They had lives outside of the rink, but skating brought them together. Most importantly, their shared dream and constant push to be better brought them together. He knows what happens when ice dancers retire, and he’s not prepared for the inevitable distance that will cloud their relationship.

It’s been the best year of his life so far. He doesn’t want this year to end, because it makes him uneasy to think of life without Meryl.


	4. Week Four: Compulsory Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rumba & Argentine Tango

Changing partners was difficult. Maybe it was because he got lucky on the first try, but he always thought the endless musical chairs partnerships in pairs and dance was exhausting.

As it turns out, there are a lot of things that can go right or wrong with a partnership. It wasn’t just whether or not you could get along with someone, or whether or not you had chemistry with someone. He felt uncomfortable all week, much like his first week with Sharna or his first ever date. Like he was emotionally cheating on Meryl.

The rumba was their first compulsory dance pattern at their first senior worlds. It was their first dance together in the major leagues. It soon became his favorite, while Meryl thrived on the intricacies of tangos. He dreaded having to do the Argentine tango the next year at Worlds, and felt like he had performed poorly. Any tango required passion and to be honest, back then it had been hard to be passionate about Meryl while thinking about skating a good pattern with speed and deep edges. She’s always been the more natural performer.

He had felt jealousy for the first time back then as Scott and Tessa placed second in the CD and catapulted onto the podium. He felt it again now as another Chmerkovskiy brother pulled off a flawless, chemistry-laced Argentine tango, the compulsory that haunted him, with his partner.

Before this week, he never realized how fragile a partnership could be. He always knew how lucky they were to have each other, but lately her success with other partners made him feel insecure. She seems fine without him. Maybe he’s always needed her more than he thought.

Back in 2008, Meryl had patted his shoulder reassuringly, in a silent _Don’t worry, our time will come_ communication. He had put aside those thoughts, and learned to be genuinely happy for his training partners and use them as motivation. Now, all he could do was smile and clap and hope he wasn’t as interchangeable to her as he felt.

* * *

She hated his hair slicked back like that, though she vaguely recalls that his hair was slicked back when they skated to the Argentine tango compulsory. He had seemed distracted and their lines weren’t as well-matched as they could have been. She could never stay mad at him though. He would just have that goofy smile and floppy hair and look at her and sometimes she would forget why she was frustrated in the first place.

She suspects he has that effect on the judges as well, because she knows he knows that’s not really a rumba and that his score is a bit of a fluke. Peta’s nice and smart but also a bit too free-spirited in a way that clashed with Charlie’s learning style.

She feels like a terrible person for thinking it, but she’s quite glad and even relieved that their rumba spluttered. She likes the memories they have of doing the rumba together, and selfishly she doesn’t want another person creating a rumba-style memory for him.

She had been furious when he broke his ankle in 2006, though of course that didn’t last very long. She felt like they had missed out on quality ice time though, and she reached a boiling point before their first senior Worlds. Before their compulsory, he had taken her hand and told her to take a deep breath with the first note of the music and that everything was going to be okay. She did, it was, and realized all over again how much fun skating was with him. This was their job, but it didn’t feel like work.

She knew after they finished the rumba how lucky she was to have him, and how lucky she was that he gave up hockey so that he could skate with her. That no matter what, they were going to be partners forever. It was sentimental and a bit silly, but debuting on the senior circuit was a big deal, and she couldn’t imagine experiencing that with someone else.

A few years ago when the rumba pattern came up in their short dance, she used that memory of their first Worlds CD as a motivation. It was the perfect palette-cleanser to the free dance tango of previous year. That rumba short dance year was the perfect in-between year where they could think about the Olympics instead of worry about them. It wasn’t so strained at the rink, he didn’t have to pretend so hard like he didn’t have a girlfriend though truly, they were fooling no one. Things hadn’t seemed so complicated back then. It was easy to express joy in the pattern.

She hoped Sharna and Charlie wouldn’t ever dance a rumba together. Even though the rumba wasn’t theirs, and you can’t really call dibs on a dance, it kind of is and well….dibs.


	5. Week Five: Glow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Samba & Jazz

His smile could light up a room.

Her interest in cultural anthropology started when she realized after ten years of doing it that the skating world was like its own civilization. It had cultural variations among the events, skaters, coaches, and federations. It had its own hierarchy. There were rules, both on paper and unspoken. Depending on where you trained, it wasn’t the most nurturing of environments. But through every fall, every practice, every bad score, every competition, his smile was by her side.

Truthfully, her love for ice dance and her love for Charlie are extensions of one another. It’s hard to have one without the other, and in the pairs and ice dance, “love” is an even more complicated emotion.

All she knows is that when he smiles, she feels happy. Lately he hasn’t been as upbeat, probably because of their grueling schedule. He’s distracted around her, probably because he knows he can be. She’s used to his occasional moodiness, but she’s struck by how his smiles have slowly started to fade.

But when he smiles at Sharna, it’s real. When he laughs with Sharna, his face lights up like it does with Tanith. And she knows Sharna is professional and it’s not like that but she can’t help but hate it. Entrusting him to someone else was far more difficult than she thought.

It’s funny how she can be on the ice with him, yet feel so far away. The chemistry is still there, their programs are beautiful, but sometimes she wonders if they’ve made the right choice. She hasn’t yet mastered the civilization that was Los Angeles and Hollywood. She’s not sure she’d ever like to. The constant traveling is starting to wear on them while they both get a steady stream of Snapchats from Maia and Alex in Japan on their comfortable bus.

She loves his dance to Mary Poppins, but he’s clearly unhappy that he dropped the cane. He kicks into PR autopilot, a habit they’ve been trained to do since they both hated public speaking. He doesn’t smile the way he used to, except at Sharna.

What they don’t tell you about the Olympics is that the ice is so white and bright, it gleams in person. The two brightest, clearest memories in her mind are of him smiling at her against the backdrop of glowing white ice after their Olympic performances. Each time he rose and hugged her, she could feel his smile with her whole body. She knows that he could never smile like that with someone else, not in the same way.

She misses his smile, but all she can do is wait for it to come back to her. It always does. In the meantime, she takes his hand like she always does as they skate in the soft glow of the spotlight together.

* * *

 He’s happy that she’s not portraying a princess, because everyone knows that the princess falls in love with the prince and they live happily ever after, and he doesn’t know if he can stomach it.

It’s not just the spray tan. She lights up around Maks in a way he hasn’t seen in a while. She lights up when she talks about him. Mirai drops some unsubtle hints about what a cute couple they’d make. Alissa and Gracie find ways to work his name into conversations and smirk as Meryl blushes. Marissa casually asks how her boy toy is, and Ashley point blank asks her if Maks’ body is as “bangin’” in real life and what it feels like.

It’s not as if the boys are any better. Ryan and Simon tease her like a little sister. Jeremy wisely keeps his mouth shut most of the time but Charlie hears him joke about how she’s “upgraded.”

It’s not surprising that they have chemistry, and sometimes he can feel Erin Andrews mentally composing fanfiction in her head about the hotheaded bad boy dancer and the young sweet girl who entranced and tamed him. And given all the off-handed comments from Sharna and Derek, it seems like she did indeed have her ballroom partner wrapped around her little finger.

So cliché.

 _Not any more cliché than skating partners who fall in love_ , his brain mocked.

He’s out to dinner with Jeremy and Ashley when she texts him that she can’t make it because she’s too busy blocking choreography via Skype. Ashley makes a joke about how she’s got that “falling in love” glow. He must have made a face because Jeremy smoothly changes the subject and steers the conversation away from television, skating, or dancing.

Ashley’s never been one to shy away from her opinion. Truly, she had nothing to apologize for so he’s surprised when she knocks on his door later and says sorry. Still, she doesn’t mince words.

“It’s just…it’s kind of how she used to look at you,” Ashley says gently. The sentence is loaded with meaning. He dislikes that the past tense was used. He knows that everyone is happy Meryl has someone else who makes her happy and isn’t just there out of convenience in the skating world. “I mean, she still does on the ice, but yeah.”

She wasn’t like him when it came to relationships. He never felt like a placeholder, but she never found someone serious enough to threaten their partnership. It took him a while to look at her the way she looks at him on the ice but he doesn’t know how to stop. He knows he’s in trouble, and he knows it’s not right. But it’s starting to bother him more and more how her eyes sparkle and her face flushes and her smile radiates with pure joy…all from someone else.


	6. Week Six: Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cha Cha Cha & Tango

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize that it's taken so long to get this chapter up. Part of it was that finals happened, part of it was that I had to figure out where this was all headed (RPF can be tricky). Thank you for reading!

_I feel so close to you right now…_

Ironically, he had never felt so close to her in their career as he did now.

She had never outgrown her shyness entirely, so it took them a while in their mid-teens to figure out how to communicate. He wasn’t a complete hothead but he used to get more upset. He remembers how she used to always skate away, let him work it out by himself, and then come back and just reach for his hand.

As an ice dancer, there is nothing more significant than holding your partner’s hand. You learn how to speak with just one touch, one squeeze, one movement. It’s a symbol of togetherness and strength. It means something.

A few weeks before Sochi, their opening FD lift had suddenly stopped clicking. It wasn’t working on the ice and more than once he had to let go of her and let her tumble awkwardly down his back. They finally had to move off-ice lest she injure herself.

It didn’t work for days, and he was reaching a breaking point. “ _Take my hand_ ,” she had said at the time, reaching out to him. “ _It’ll be okay, Charlie_.”

Especially now, away from other friends and family, without the comfort of their skates and familiarity, they had become closer. He could not admit how much he’s always relied on her and how much it means to him still that she believes in him.

She’s always had more faith in him, so much it can be overwhelming.

It’s no longer about the physical touches, it’s the emotional intimacy that worries him. How many times over the years had she looked at him the way she looks at Maks now? It’s her I-believe-in-you-completely look, and it’s so sweet and pure and wonderful.

How many times have the judges said that Meryl and Maks bring out something in each other? How her artistry is just top notch? How much longer can he pretend that it doesn’t hurt just a little to hear them talk about how Maks has pushed Meryl towards something better?

Talking about life post-Sochi was a reality long before the season even started. _“How are we going to know who we are without the ice to lean on?”_ she once asked.

He knew who she was though. She was sweet, self-conscious, dorky, silly, hyperactive, trustworthy, and wicked smart on top of everything. She was a fighter and a believer. She loved deeply, and she loved skating.

He thinks back to their second week. He noticed the timing issues, so he knows Meryl must have too. But she was barely allowed to speak then, or defend herself, and he had suddenly felt very protective over how she was being portrayed on the show. He knows she doesn’t mind staying in the background, that she’s actually very shy when out of her comfort zone.

But now, she had blossomed on the show. He knew this day had come, been waiting for it, but hadn’t expected it to come so soon. There’s no doubt now that she’ll be moving on after this. There’s always a last competition, a last dance, a last time they’ll hold each other’s hands. As close as they are now, they won’t always be. Eventually their hands will part.

But that’s fine, because she deserves to eclipse him, with or without Maks by her side.

~

She laughs when he winks at the camera because they rarely get to be so campy. She loves seeing him have fun with the dances, mostly because that sort of lightness has transferred to their skating. They didn’t used to be so serious, but somewhere along the way they unconsciously started to repress emotions. Sometimes it was so they wouldn’t get their hopes up. Sometimes it was because they were tired.

Sometimes it’s because she started realizing there was a feeling of completeness when she was with him that she’s never felt with anyone else.

It’s why, she thinks, she gets along so well with Maks. To an outside observer, maybe there’s a current of sexual tension. She loves Maks, but she’s not in love with Maks, so it’s easier to let herself go and let her body get close to his. She can tell Maks doesn’t really mind, and while sometimes she catches him looking at her with a faraway, somewhat… _longing_ of a look, he’s nothing but professional. Handsy, but professional.

It’s silly to think that she can be more comfortable with a stranger than with her best friend, but sometimes it’s good to take a break from someone who knows you TOO well.

Their packages had shown how their schedule had started to affect them. Truthfully, he hasn’t been quite as moody lately, and her heart dares to hope that it’s because they’ve been out on the ice more often. That somehow, despite everything they’ve talked about, there’s a chance that he’ll agree to do one more year, or even just one more Nationals.

The skating circuit is brutal. Being in a judged sport, they’ve both been ripped to shreds by adults’ comments to their faces in the most casual manner. The pressure to present beauty on ice consistently while knowing that sometimes your best isn’t good enough is infuriating.

The biggest privilege an athlete has is to be able to retire on their own terms. The amount of injuries that can befall a skater though meant that they should consider themselves lucky to be able to walk away healthy. But at the same time, she always hated the idea that skaters should quit while they’re ahead to preserve a legacy. If you really love skating and as a bonus if you’re really good at it, shouldn’t you want to continue for as long as possible?

She loves doing the show and how the judges are honest and critical. Even though it’s a competition, she’s never been in a more nurturing environment. But she also knows that next season, Maks will have a different partner to hold on to, and she’s fine with it. She doesn’t want to be a celebrity.

_…and there’s no stopping us right now…_

It’s when she takes Charlie’s hand and steps out onto ice that she feels the most at home.


	7. Slow Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finale moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a long time coming but I got caught up in stuff and stopped watching their DWTS performances. I decided rather than try and catch up, it would be more fitting to just capture the finale moments. It also jumps around so I hope it's not too confusing. This is also the first multichapter fic I've really ever finished so I'm very proud of it. I would love comments/constructive feedback...you can't grow as a writer without it!

She loves the way Maks holds her, the way he unapologetically finds ways to touch her and get into her personal space. Ice dance had made her guarded in showing too much affection and emotion with her partner. She’s sure it radiates raw sexuality on camera, but she’s no fool. Did he truly desire her? Maybe. But is she also just a means to the Mirrorball Trophy? Absolutely.

After Vancouver, they set out a very simple plan: Prove to the judges and to the world that they _could_ win Olympic gold. They didn’t actually have to, even though it was an unspoken desire that drove them. In the ice dancing world, all you needed to do was establish potential and consistency to garner a reputation that would favor you. Even then it could be volatile.

She empathizes with Maks because she knows what it’s like to give your best and have that not be enough, to see opportunities disappear, to have a persona that the judges don’t care for. To give everything only to see your efforts being dismissed so casually, in the most callous way. As much as she has this connection with Maks though, as much as she loves the way his hand slides down her back possessively, whenever they finish a dance she finds herself yearning for another touch.

She searches through the crowd for him when they finish their fusion dance. The ballroom is buzzing and she can’t quite locate him until Carrie Ann starts talking and she spots him leaning over the balcony, grinning proudly.

He leads the clapping as the judges give their scores, and doesn’t stop. When Maks snakes his arms around her and whispers into her ear, she doesn’t register what he says so much as she hears the applause fading.

He should know that nothing has happened or will happen, but she can’t deny that she doesn’t get a slight thrill when she can feel his irritation that Maks is all over her. She makes eye contact and smiles as she gently untangles herself from Maks during the commercial break.

They finally get a chance to hug, and he unexpectedly kisses her cheek. “You were amazing,” he says sincerely, his hands sliding down her arms. “And no awkward almost kisses today!” he joked.

Mak’s touch is like a warmth she can melt into. Charlie’s touch, after all these years, is like a spark that turns into a fire she can’t contain and draws her more into his space. Her skin simply reacts to his touch. She’d like to think it’s from habit, but lately she’s starting to think it’s from something else.

She can still feel the heat of his touch, the familiar searing burn that overwhelms her without the ice to cool it down, and she smiles.

The camera picks it up and America thinks she’s blushing for someone else.

~

She wins, and he’s never been more proud of her.

Truthfully, he always thought he would choose singles skating and hockey. He had even told his parents and family so. But when it had come down to it, neither of his parents looked surprised when he had chosen ice dance. It’s something he’s heard over and over again from his whole family- all the sacrifices he made, that they made- it was worth it to see him skate, to see him live out his dream and his passion. His _shared_ dream and passion.

He wasn’t concerned going into _Dancing with the Stars_ that they would be split up. Yet, being on his own was testing him more than he had originally thought. He had given up being a singles skater because he realized that it was more worthwhile to have someone there to share the lows and highs, the quiet comforting sounds of two sets of blades stroking the ice together.

What he had never counted on was this floundering feeling without her. Couples are supposed to bring out the best in each other, but so are partners. Seeing her express herself more freely now made him jealous that Maks was the better partner for her.

When they started ice dancing, he had felt like a smug bug because he was more experienced. But she had quickly caught up, and before he knew it, he felt like he couldn’t catch up to her. Feeling inadequate is the worst feeling in the world because a partnership is a give and take, a balance. He knew how insecurity could destroy a team, but they worked past it. He worked past it. Because it’s Meryl, and she’s always deserved the best. And if he has to work harder now, so be it. She brings out the best in him, and he wants to bring out the best in her. If she wanted to go another year or two, he knows he wouldn't hesitate because he wants to prove to the world, to her, to himself, that he can draw out this Meryl too. _Are you really going to let this unhealthy need to prove yourself detail all your plans? Would you really be so reckless?_ his brain asks. He thinks yes, because she's worth it.

~

All she can think about when Charlie and the others sweep her up onto their shoulders is how relieved she is that it’s all over.

She _is_ happy, and she’s pretty sure Maks is crying, she’s made friends that she’s sure will last a lifetime, and she feels so accomplished but really, she’s looking forward to getting back onto the ice.

Dancing without skates had brought back some of the joy she had longed to feel after Sochi. Their gold medal was deserved, she thought, but there was still an inherent tension she had felt that night. It was more powerful than Vancouver, but it wasn’t as free.

But mostly, she hates that she had to win without Charlie. They're equals in every way, and he deserves this as much as she does. She thinks back to a few weeks ago she when Sharna had seemed to think that intensity meant taking Charlie’s shirt off. She loves Sharna, and Charlie’s not a pure and innocent choir boy, but trying to trot him out as a piece of man meat was never going to work. Especially on a night when his sisters were in the audience.

But her heart had ached when he was talking to Erin and she had heard the frustration and guilt in his voice for messing up. It was something she hadn’t heard in a while, and something she didn’t enjoy. Off the ice, Charlie has a cool confidence about him that makes it easy for him to make friends, talk to strangers, to take charge. On the ice, he’s more serious and takes on blame more seriously. It’s true that when they skate, they never talk about mistakes. Nothing good comes of playing the blame game. When you’ve been competing together for so long, you can’t afford to play that game.

So she tries to enjoy the moment and be happy with her success. But it’s a bit empty without Charlie, and she tries not to think about how this is how life is going to be like now without him every day.

Instead she thinks about their future performances and how she’s going to reclaim that spot next to him in the spotlight.

~

They knew going in that there would have to be some sacrifices. The producers were upfront about what they wanted: a tan for her and most likely a chest wax for him. The producers could make her get a bit tanner, she confided in him, but reality show was _not_ going to change them.

He had reassured her that it wouldn’t. And it really hadn’t. For once they could take risks beyond the carefully calculated ones that Marina had set them up for throughout many years. But at the end of the day, they were still same old boring-but-competitively-dazzling-Davis-and-White. At the same time, the reality show _has_ changed them. On the other side of chasing gold he’s realized what he could lose.

It was always about Meryl. There would never be another girl like her, there would never be another partner for him. They were good together on ice, and as a bonus they won things. Even if they hadn’t, he thinks that they would have still enjoyed the journey.

She had changed, but he prefers to think of her blossoming from a butterfly to an even more beautiful butterfly. Like a Mega-Evolution Pokemon, Alex had once said. He could be so weird. But he's not wrong.

_“Dance is about the soulful expression of your true self.”_

Athletic. Fast. Stunning. Beautiful. Special. Exhilarating. He’s heard all the praise before, but he’s never heard that their chemistry was electric, that it carried a program. They emoted, but they had never sparked together. Not in the way he knows they're constantly compared to.

Ten weeks couldn’t possibly be comparable to seventeen years, but the experience had made Maks a part of her life forever. The Russian had brought out a side of her that the world had never seen.

His true self longed to take her hand and find that spark with her.

That realization came midway through their finale dance as she spun on his shoulders, a lift they had practiced a million times, a lift they had performed a million times. Her hair framed against the glaring studio lights made it look like there was a glowing halo around her head, and the studio was much more intimate than any arena they’ve skated in in the past 10 years. He looked up at her and since this wasn’t a competition, she was looking down at him with a glow of happiness.

When you whirl as fast as they do on ice, time actually feels like it’s slowing down. And as they looked at each other, he felt as if he could do this forever if it would make her happy.

His breath caught as they finished their dance and looked at each other. But then time sped up back to normal as she broke away and they bowed. Even though they had done Stars on Ice, even though they had still performed together and had never really been apart, this was Dancing With the Stars and they were truly together again like at Sochi. He didn’t want to let go of her hand as they normally did after a performance and skated side by side back to the boards. He wanted to hold onto her in his moment as long as possible, so he did.

“The passion, the tension can be the power. Not everything have to be sexual feeling,” Marina had said briskly a long time ago as she instructed them to gaze into each other’s eyes during a practice. She then paused and gestured over to the other side of the rink where the Canadians were practicing _Carmen_. “But some can be good.”


End file.
